In the Scriptures, people would erect stones to mark significant events that happened (i.e. Joshua 4). These stood as reminders to the people who placed them, and to latter generations who would see them. These stones were often called in Hebrew, 'even-hazzar', meaning quite literally, 'stone of help. They were to remind them that God was their real and holy presence and divine aid. In the few hundred years, we have referred to them in anglicized word, 'ebenezer.'
Though I do not have a physical stone set up per se, I do have some in my mind. Such as last Friday.
I was first baptized at the age of 10 - so they tell me. I say that because it's a very odd thing. I don't remember it at all. And it's not as if it were an insignificant or small event. It was at a very large congregation of about 2-2,500 people. On top of that, my own father did the baptizing. Why I do not remember it, I have no clue. For some reason or another, there is a blank there as if it never happened. I remember all sorts of things about the place and our attendance there, but nothing connected to my baptism.
It's still very strange to me.
Then, 18 years ago, (my-oh-my, how time does march on) I went through a 'change' that pressed on heart to do something. I wasn't exactly sure what it was that I needed to be doing. But something needed to be done. I wanted to move forward in my walk with God, in my marriage, as a father, as a person. But I could find no formula that would just cause this to take place.
Being raised in the tradition I was in, extreme significance was placed on baptism. I began to deduce that perhaps the hindrance to my progress was the fact that I couldn't remember my baptism, therefore making it irrelevant. So, I did the only logical thing: I asked to be baptized.
I had my hopes up. I was looking for an awakening of some sort. Perhaps even a sudden transformation like the ones I read that some people have had. I was even looking to physically feel something. I was more than ready to get into the water.
So I looked to the person that I considered a spiritual mentor. His name is James Saxon, and he and his wife Juanita had played significant roles in my life (as well and Natalie and the family). He humbly obliged.
I was immersed.
I was deflated.
I felt no difference at all. No awakening. No angels singing. No physical manifestation within me. No spiritual movement. I was still me.
I was grateful to James and the congregation for taking part. I don't think I told anyone what I feeling, or the lack thereof.
That was 18 years ago last Friday.
In retrospect, I now realize that the difference I was looking for had already been occurring, and even still is. I wanted a spiritual movement in my life. What did I think was happening then? It wasn't me who was moving me to long for deeper things in all aspects of my life. It was Him; Him all along. The physical manifestation was occurring as well, and still is. My point is, I didn't realize that I was already participating in all that I thought I was looking for to take place.
Since then, I was promoted to a position in the oil company I worked for that eventually moved me and my family out of state. Eventually, I believe I had a specific calling to a different capacity of ministry in the Lord's church. Though I know for a fact He did tap me for the work, I have in times of trial questioned if He got the right man. It proves to me more and more that it's not about me, but all about Him. And by the way, I don't the call has ceased. I believe it is still in tact.
We moved back to Texas to go to seminary - went back out of state to plant a congregation - moved back to Texas to minister - and through a harrowing chain of events have now ended up here.
And I thought nothing had happened.
So if you feel like you are looking for something to take place in your life, there's a possibility you might be right in the middle of it - even if it doesn't seem so.
Here's my standing stone. My ebenezer. My stone of help. Thanks for helping God. I sincerely do not know where I would be without You.
jas
